I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
