I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
