I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
