We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
