Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
