how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
