I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
