dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
