At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
