I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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