How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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