ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
