You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
