I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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