Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
