the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
