I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
