Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
