it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
