i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
