This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
