What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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