i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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