Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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