no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
