strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
