one might say we're banned from that church
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
