When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
