Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
