bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
