You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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