i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
