You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
