my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
