Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
