I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
