I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
