I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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