i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize