No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dick very happy bro
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
