I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
