Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
