Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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