My liver just broke up with me...
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My pussy is not your playground.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
