Need sex. Gaining weight.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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