You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
