Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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