Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
