Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
