whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
