I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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