He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
