that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
