If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
