woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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