I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Dear god my vagina.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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