Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i think im in europe. pls send help
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize