I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Everclear isn't food dammit
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Oh god it's open bar.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
