Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
