I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize