He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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