Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize