You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
