i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
sarcasm needs its own font
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
